The Journey

For some reason, this poem was on my mind today.

It is one of my favorite Mary Oliver poems.
I discovered it a few years ago and I keep coming back to it
Thought I would share it here.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.


"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.


It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

© Mary Oliver. Online Source

photo:me

Something to Sing About

Image by just.Luc via Flickr

So, I'm trying cultivate and attitude for gratitude(cheesy saying but I like it).I've always been a fan of a list to bring me back to what is what. So, I am using my singing list as a way to exclaim that there is indeed many small pleasure to relish in. We can often beat ourself up when things slip from the ideal. However, when we live on the edge of ourselves, we can find ourselves falling more in love with life.

What a singing list, you ask?
A singing list is quite simple- people, place, things and/or ideas that are happening and making my heart sing!


My List is Below(in no particular order)
-People who let you whine. I know that we all detest whiners but sometimes you need to do. It's good to have a safe place to do it.
-My co-workers. You amaze me.
-Buying real food. I realized that most of my food is snacky(not junk food but not a balance meal, either).
-Yin yoga. great if you need to compress and zen out.
-Concord Grapes.
-Angus and Julia Stone. What is about female and male duets this year?
-not killing anyone or myself when my brakes went out. Thanks be to God.
-Sun on my face, the slant of the sun coming in my windows, sunrise(see I love the sun, just don't like being hot).
-Fresh laundry
-The smell of thyme.
-People who get excited for other people. I got hear a proud papa talk about his 50+ daughter graduating from school and he liked to a flew out the room, he was that excited.
-People who genuinely love their significant other. Being around people who really like each other most of time is sharply refreshing. It makes me realize how complicated but sweet love can be.
-Peach ice cream with raspberry sauce.
-Synchronicity
-Eating with my hands(when applicable). Never gets old!
- Passing Along Awards. If you recall, I got this from Clarissa Draper last week. I would like to pass it along to-Bohemian Shadows, Darjeeling Dreams, Cornflakegirl and Natalie Keene

What's making you sing these days?

If a thing isn't worth saying, you sing it.-Pierre Beaumarchais

Laughter is Medicine(or an Ode to Silliness)

I am settling down for some much needed focus time. However, I find myself procrastinating and in need of a good laugh or two. Thought I would share some things that are cracking-up/amusing me before I get lost in book.

This song reminds me of that 99 bottles song. Annoying but addicting!My friend sent this to me. Crazy/fun stuff.A bit low budget.

Since, what is the world without music and lists, I am fan of the Blender Magazine Music list.The 50 Worst Songs Ever list cracks me up. At one point or another I have listen to and liked many of these songs.

This site makes me laugh. Beware it is not appropriate for the faint of heart or those easily offended.
Alas, here is some G-rated silliness.

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut

Now, that I have been a bit silly(and chatty), I feel better. Looking forward to Top Chef tonight.
later,
k.

Hello, My Name is Worry

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”-Winston Churchill

Today is the first day of the new semester. I have been to school a hundred years or so and I am thinking I can take year 101 in stride. However, this will be a busy semester and my last semester of graduate school(unless I am insane and keep going).

This morning, I actually felt a bit stressed before I had even stepped out the door.  I am not good at balancing. Often, I run headlong into projects, life and situations without regards to how they will eat up my time. There is so much I have to do-work, school, homework and then there are things I want to do-socialize, create things, blog,etc.We all know that I am a fanatic about my time. I am contemplating different ways of staying on top of things.

As someone prone to worry and control-freakishness, I am trying to be flexible but realistic about who I am and what makes me happy. I am happy when things are in order. However, too much rigidity dulls my senses.

Should I have a very detailed schedule?  Should I just have goals and activities for the day/week and work towards a general completeness? The questions abound. The truth is life happens and planning is good but life often gets eaten up by activity that way.  There has to be a middle ground between free-floating and military precision! In the meantime, I am putting one foot in front of the other and heading into the day(laughing at my silliness). Life is too delicious to be worrying about worrying.

 P.S. On a brighter non-nerdy note, I am loving the cooler weather that is visiting this area. I got to wear my fancy loafers today and lovely cardigan today. I know, I am killing the summer parade but my clothes make sense in the fall.

Have a wonderful day.

photos: top L. apt, clock, map by me.

Cardigans

Image via WikipediaI couldn't resist sharing this quote because it's true! Have a good week.

Cardigans are eternal.

-Natalie Merchant, Elle Magazine interview.

No 3 X 5s(or An Ode to Pictures)

Image via WikipediaWhen you try to capture a moment- it alludes you.
When you try to live a moment-it is just out of your reach.

When you are the moment-you can touch it with all your senses and cradle it in the palm of your hands.
When you are the moment-God mediates in you, on you and through you.If I could find words to tell you the craziness and wonder of this weekend-it would be diluted.

Living it- I saw a monarch butterfly spread it swings wide, I heard the voice of a dear friend, I giggled across a table, ate raspberry cake, flung my heart to the moon and savored a quiet moment in a city garden. Yet, I am pitiful at capturing the essence, the eternal thing that makes these pockets of time precious. All, I know is that sometimes, your camera breaks and you can't do anything but live beyond the pictures.

Something to Sing About

Hi there,
I realize I have not done one of these in a while. That is surprising because I have had much to sing about these past weeks and days. A singing list is quite simple- people, place, things and/or ideas that are happening and making my heart sing!


My List is Below(in no particular order)
-It is starting to cool off. It may be a weather fluke but I am so happy for cardigan weather.
-I am becoming an aunt. Yes, I have already got a copy of Good Night Moon! What kind of librarian would I be if I was not developing a collection somewhere?
-Weeding books. It is scary but therapeutic. I hope to get them adopted soon enough.
- Avocados. I am addicted to these with lemon juice and garlic.
- A new school semester. I like school supplies. Learning stuff is pretty cool, too.
- I have managed to do a bit of yoga everyday for a few weeks.I am excited, the old mat was getting dusty.
- Friends-real and virtual.
- Jobs for my wonderful friends. I am sad to see you go but I am so happy for you.
- Former professors from undergrad. I heart B.C.
-Polos on men.  See, that is why I like Fall because everyone dresses better!
- An Arts Fair this weekend.
- Sacraments.
-William Fitzsimmons. He proves you really should not judge a musician by their album cover.
-Petite Pants! Who knew ?
-A blogger award from Clarissa, who by the way has tempted me back into mysteries and writing(in general). Her enthusiasm for the subjects is contagious. Thanks Clarissa.
-Good pillows.
- Some birthdays- L. and A. Happy (late) B.day.
-Random people who smile at you when you are in your car. I have no idea why that makes me happy but it does.
-Seeing people do small acts of kindness. I am watcher and this never gets old. For all the craziness in the world, there is always this juiciness happening right under our noise.

“A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”

- Maya Angelo.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Lessons(or an Ode to a Betrayal)

Image by cobalt123 via FlickrThey say if it doesn't kill you, that it will make you stronger. I am not so sure that those should be the only two choices. I won't say, I'm rising above the negativity but I will say "lesson learned".I think Alica Keys, sang it best:

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned.
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

While, I can't change the past, I can be grateful for this moment. I can remember the times that I too, failed someone and the fact that life went on. I can know that I will let people down and mislead them. It doesn't take the salt out of the wound but it makes it livable.No matter what I feel or what happens- I know the truth. It's just a feeling and this too, shall pass.

lyrics from "A Lesson Learned" sung by Alica Keys and Ft. John Mayer

A Fresh Start (or an Ode to Books)

Image via WikipediaWhere do I wish a Fresh Start?
That is the question that Jamie Ridler is asking on her blog. I am wishing a fresh start in my relationship to things. I don't want to be bound by my things. Last night, I did an experiment. I weeded my books. I was inspired by this post and some conversations I had with a friend. She is going paperless as possible.

I realize that I hang onto many things because of sentimental reasons. Books are one of those things. Books were a way my mother and I would bond. We would go to the library together, she would go to tag sales and bring me books or I would read her old books. So, my love of books is really mingled with that feeling of belonging that those books give me.

In my life, I kinda developed a reputation as being a book lover. I am. I love the design of books, the information in them and the general sense of atmosphere they provide to a place. I can torture anyone by spending hours upon hours going in circles at the library or a bookstore.

We don't need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it. ~Donald Horban

So, I've accumulated a lot of books and I love them. They are like old friends and I reach for them like tonic water( those are not the ones I can get rid of in this weeding). The ones I am weeding are the ones I don't really love, I have not plans to read or reread, that I have no interest in and/or don't feed me in some way. That said, it is still a lot of books. 

Although, I am not quite ready to let them go, I have taken them off the shelf and given myself some room to breathe.I imagine this may take a bit of time and I want to see what is like to live without them but have the option of reclaiming them.

Thus, I am asking for a fresh start with books. They are my oldest and dearest friends but I want to choose them wisely. This seems like a silly thing to ask for a fresh start in but I am very silly at times.

The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it. ~James Bryce

Say Won't You Say(or an Ode to Early Mornings)

It is morning. I find myself up before my alarm has even dared to ring. The birds are just waking up. They are chatting with a bit of reserve and the sun is just starting rise. The air is still cool and the most commuters are still dreaming away in their beds. Yet, here I am peeking at the window, hands on the computer, listening to a pink clock pray in the corner.

Today in my reading, I stumbled across a section about about the Spirit groaning with us, praying things we can not express in words. This got me to thinking. More often than not, I find life in words. My words, other people words, words in books, words in songs, they all speak to me. However, what about those emotions that have no words. Many emotions are too, happy, sad or vague to name. They groan within us and whatever they are, they can ignite hope(or heartache) for a new day.

That is why I love early mornings. Even in a place that thinks its a city, there is a sense of awe in me at the turning of night into day. The sounds of life- in the body, in my neighbors apartment, on the street or even on my desk, remind me for a brief moment that each day is chance to begin again.

I don't think things sounds of life are fool's goal but rather guidepost that we can be grateful towards. A guide post is simply something that points the way, or serves as an example. These guidepost are like the ringing of the bells, in Buddhism or at church, reminding you to breathe and/or pray. I definitely think there are many annoying early morning sounds-the alarm, car horns, construction, etc. However, in this moment, the "good" sounds are outplaying the bad ones.

The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.- Henry Miller

The Likeness Monster

Image via WikipediaHere's the thing-I like to be liked.
I would never consider myself a friend collector. I just have this underlying assumption that "to know me, is to love me". When this does not happen, I become confused.

If someone came to me and said so-and-so does not like me, I would say get over it. I am sure that I would declare that it does not matter and say a lot of cheesy things about having a stiff upper lip.

Yet,I find that is a hard pill for me to swallow. My natural inclination is to search my mind for anything that would have given you the impression that it okay not to like me. Somewhere, I learned that things have make sense. Moreover, I have the impression that the worse thing is the world is for people to think bad of you. It is shoddy way of going through the world.It is like saying, "You can do whatever you want to me just don't think bad of me" or believing,"It doesn't matter what I think of you as long as you think well of me". Eck!

There is a scene in the Sex and the City series , where Carrie(Sarah Jessica Parker) declares, "Why are we in such a rush to move from confused to Confucius?" I agree, why do I need to try to figure people out. If living in my skin 20+ years has taught me anything it that people are unpredictable and a little fickle. I can't read minds. I can't even make my mind up about dinner.

So how does one tame the likeness monster. I can't sequester my heart in a cabinet and it is unlikely I will take the road of not caring. Self-acceptance seems to be what wisdom demands us to practice.

I can't tell you what that looks likes. I am really bad at self-help and tend to skip the middle stuff aka the instructions and race for the ending. I will suggest a little honesty, forgiveness and humor can go along way. If all else fails, write a blog post and move on.

On the edge of time

I don't consider myself OCD. Just over-protective with my time. Usually, I am able to confine my extreme aversion to having my time tampered with but sometimes I slip.  In these moments, I appear a stubborn
so-and-so.

What can I say-I just don't like things thrust upon me. I like time to think about what I am going to wear, what I might need to do before, etc. If this time is not allocated I could become annoyed. It won't be a person or even the situation but just the general time reconfiguration my mind must undergo.

Sometimes, after I have gotten a chance to calm down I see things a little less biased. Usually, life surfaces and one of two things becomes apparent. One, I am being  pushed in a way I don't want to be pushed. Thus, I may or may not have an "excuse" for not wanting to be accommodating but I just don't. Two, I am grasping. These may be the same thing.

I have noticed if I stay with a situation some interesting things happen. I don't usually die of whatever horrible things I imagine I would. On the otherhand, if I say no thank you-the world keeps spinning. The point is I can be relieved from being the queen of the world. The scary thing is- who will take my place?

To live...

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.
Mary Oliver

Lovely Video

Check out this wonderful video(I found via Jamie Ridler.) by Tanya Davis. She wrote the poem and performs in this piece. The film was shot and edited by Andrea Dorfman.
I liked it so much I couldn't resist sharing.

The Neck of It

Image via Wikipedia

I am at my desk listening to some tunes. One those random Genius affairs. The sky is peeking at me through my window and the besides my own noise the world seems quiet.This day is nipping on the heels of perfection(if that is even possible).

If I could bother to foster a complaint(and I guess I will)- I am having some very acute neck pain.

I am not quite sure how my neck got twisted(so to speak). I have been doing a fair amount of yoga lately. Recently, I had a bunch of tension in my shoulders and have been doing some poses to help relieve that tension. With in those sequences, there are certain poses that are out of reach for me because my neck is not super limber.

That said, I never press the issue and accept modifications without complaint. So, I am a little surprised that I have such acute pain in my neck and shoulder today. Is it from stretching those muscles or is it because I stressed them out? Time will tell. In the meantime, my neck is begging me to take it easy.

Let's hope an easy day of sky watching day will help.

Funny Girl

Image by ttom_thgwid via Flickr

I heart Barbara Streisand in Funny Girl. The movie has some great lines and some beautiful songs.

Some lines that stuck out are below. 
You can get lonesome being that free.
People who need people. I am the luckiest people in the world.
With the follies and the undecenet proposal, it's been quite a night.
No law against waiting-people do it all the time.

Let's Try This Again(or a post I can live with)

Image by mamnaimie busy via Flickr

Boy, is time flying. I remember when the summer use to drag...Now, I feel like I am trying to catch up with it. Still, not much is happening in these parts. It's hot. The Alltech games are coming(I think we're suppose to be excited).

Currently, I have a Francesca Lia Block book in my possession. I am not sure what to expect. Hopefully, I don't become obsessed with fairies and mythical creatures(that is a crass stereotype, but I am just saying!). I just have a lot of other obessions and neurotic inklings to contend with and there is no use adding one more if I can help it.

On a more somber note, did anyone see this sad and very graphic photo from Time Magazine? The Huffington Post wrote a very interesting response to the cover.

I hope your week is shaping up nicely.